God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this man named Bubba. He lived way out in the country, and there was this stray dog that kept showing up at his house. His wife said, “Bubba, you have to put the dog in the truck and take him out to the woods and drop him off. That’s where he lives.” Bubba drove him a mile down the road, dropped him off. When he came back home, the dog was walking up the driveway, practically beat him back. He did the same thing. It happened again. His wife said, “Bubba, you have to take him way out. Drive him around in circles. Get him all mixed up.” Bubba drove him an hour away, crisscrossed country roads he had never driven down before, and dropped the dog off. Two hours later, Bubba called his wife from the truck and said, “Did that dog make it back home?” She said, “Yeah, here he comes walking up.” He said, “Do me a favor. Put him on the line. I need directions.”
Trouble is Transportation – Joel Osteen
God bless you. Thanks so much for letting us come into your homes. We are here in the beautiful city of Detroit, at Comerica Park. I’m with the finest people in all of Detroit, Michigan right here with me tonight. We are blessed to have you as well. So blessed to have you guys. I want to talk to you tonight about how trouble is transportation. We all go through difficulties in life and things we don’t understand. It’s easy to get discouraged and think, “Why is this happening to me?” But God uses difficulties to move us toward our destiny. Nothing happens by accident. You may not understand it, but God wouldn’t have allowed it if it wasn’t going to work to your advantage.
Prepared in The Process – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this pastor. He found this small box hidden in his wife’s closet. He opened it up, and there were six eggs and a thousand one-dollar bills. He asked his wife about it. She explained how every time he preached a bad sermon, she put an egg in the box. After 35 years of ministry, he felt pretty good about himself. Only six bad sermons. He asked what the thousand dollars was. She said, “Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them for a dollar.”
Rest From Your Enemies – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this elderly lady that was close to death. She had never been married. She called her pastor over to talk about her funeral. She said that she only wanted female pallbearers. Pastor looked at her kind of strange and asked why. She said, “The men wouldn’t take me out when I was alive. They’re not going to take me out when I’m dead.”
Step Into The Unknown – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home.
I’d like to start with something funny, and I heard about this pastor. He’d been out bear-hunting all day long, searched and searched through the woods with no sign of a bear. Finally, in frustration, he threw his gun on the ground and he went down to the stream to cool off. About that time, he sees this huge grizzly bear running toward him full-speed about a hundred yards away. He falls on his knees and says, “God, I need protection. Please, convert this bear into a Christian.” Miraculously, the bear froze in his tracks, put both paws up toward the heavens, and said, “Thank you, Lord, for this food I’m about to eat.”
Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the word of God. I’ll boldly confess. My mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same, in Jesus’ name. God bless you.
I want to talk to you today about stepping into the unknown. When I type an address in my navigation system, there’s an option that comes up that says “Route Overview.” If you click that, it will give you all the details of your trip. There may be 15 different instructions.
Peace With Yourself – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this senior citizen. He was driving down the freeway in his brand-new Corvette, with the top down, going 80 miles an hour, when he saw flashing red lights from a state trooper in his rearview mirror. Without thinking about it, he floored it, took off to a hundred miles an hour. He heard the sirens behind him. He finally pulled over and said, “Officer, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” The state trooper said, “Listen. It’s Friday, 4:00. My shift is over in 30 minutes. If you tell me a reason why you’re speeding that I’ve never heard before, then I’ll let you go.” The man thought about it and said, “Officer, years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.” The officer said, “Have a great weekend.”
Miracles Out of Mistakes – Joel Osteen
God bless you. Thanks for letting us come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. These are the finest people in all of Houston, Texas right here at Lakewood. We love to have you, but thanks so much for tuning in. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this elderly minister. He was close to death. He sent word for two of his members, an IRS agent and a lawyer, to come to his house. Upon arrival, he motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The men were very moved that they could be with the minister in his final moments. At one point, the lawyer asked very sincerely, “Sir, why did you choose both of us?” The minister mustered up some strength and said, “Jesus died between two sinners. That’s the way I want to go.”
Deep Roots – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I’d like to start with something funny, and I heard about these three men that were travelling together. A Hindu priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a televangelist. They stopped at a farmhouse for lodging. The farmer said, “I only have room for two of you in the house. Somebody’s going to have to stay in the barn.” The Hindu priest said, “I’ll do it.” A few minutes, there was a knock on the door. He said, “I can’t stay out there. There’s a cow, and cows are sacred in our religion.” The Jewish rabbi said, “I’ll do it.” A few minutes, there’s a knock on the door. He says, “I can’t stay out there. There’s a pig. That wouldn’t be kosher.” The televangelist finally said, “All right, I’ll do it.” A few minutes, there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig. Some of you got it anyway. I thought it was funny.
Daily Direction – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by and be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this man that was very stingy with his money. Just before his death, he made his wife promise him that she would have him buried with the $50,000 he had saved. His wife reluctantly agreed. At the funeral, before they closed the casket, she snuck in this small wooden box. Her friends said, “Surely you didn’t just bury the money, did you?” The wife said, “Of course, I did. I’m a Christian. I can’t lie.” She said, “You mean just buried $50,000?” The wife said, “Yes, I did. I wrote a check.”
Supersized – Joel Osteen
God bless you. It’s a joy to come into your homes. And if you’re ever in our area, please stop by. Be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. I like to start with something funny, and I heard about this single man. He’d been living at home with his elderly father who was very wealthy. He decided he needed to find a wife so he could enjoy the fortune he would inherit when his father died. And one evening, at an investment meeting, he saw the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. She took his breath away. He said to her, “I know I look like just an ordinary guy, but in a few years, when my father passes, I will inherit hundreds of millions of dollars.” Impressed, she took his business car. Three months later, she married his father.
Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the word of God. I’ll boldly confess. My mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same, in Jesus’ name. God bless you.